Now He Thinks He's A Fire Engine
by Shinoda Senshi
Summary: Stephanie and Bishoff try to buy off Rogue...
1. It's ok Until he pisses on your lighter

Comments: The title and some of the lines in story are lyrics from Tool's Opiate. Now... On to the disclaimers! 

Sean: Rogue does not own any Superstar of the WWE. 

Rogue: But I'd like to! ^__^ 

Sean: She owns no rights to Opiate or Tool in general. 

Rogue: ::holds up a sign that says "Maynard Rocks!":: 

Sean: Actually, that sign doesn't 'say' anything. Signs don't talk. 

Rogue: ::presses button on the back of the sign so that, in her voice, it says "Maynard Rocks!":: 

Sean: o_O I stand corrected. 

Rogue: I love a man who can admit him mistakes. On wit dah show!! 

  


**

Title: Now He Thinks He's A Fire Engine

**

Part One 

  


(Inside the living room of the DLL Complex, Sean and Bradshaw are trying to build a bigger entertainment center while Prue reads them the directions. Rogue is pulling things out of various shopping bags. Chibi chibi is driving around a remote controlled truck. Fyre, Thunder, and Beth enter the room.) 

Fyre: O__O What is all this stuff! 

Rogue: (looks up from her Sailormoon comic book) Huh? Oh? This... (makes a sweeping motion) is some new stuff I got... Well, WE got... 

Thunder: How could you afford all this stuff? You're just a college student. 

Sean: (picks up a screw driver) A broke college student. 

Beth: Exactly... So... Spill the beans. Where'd you get all this loot? 

Rogue: Well. Stephanie McMahon and Eric Bitchoff - 

Prue: Bishoff. 

Rogue: (shrugs) You say tomato... Anyway... They were looking for a way to guarantee that their respective shows got the best talent. And they got it into their heads that sweet, little ole me could kinda talk the guys into changing teams. Since they'd do just about anything to keep me happy. 

Sean: To keep you from wailin', you mean. (Ducks a flying sneaker) 

Fyre: You mean they bought you all this stuff? 

Rogue: ^______^ Yup! 

Thunder: And you have no intention of trying to recruit people, do you? 

Rogue: (pouts) It's my summer vacation. I ain't recruitin' squat. 

Beth: And do they know this? 

Rogue: Nope! 

Beth: That's pretty dishonest. 

Rogue: (frowns) Does this mean that you don't want your new Fozzy CD? 

Beth: (thinks) Give it here. 

(Beth takes the CD, flops down on the couch, and puts it into her new Discman.) 

Prue: (whispers to Rogue) You think Fyre and Thunder will make you return the stuff? 

Rogue: Nah. I gots a plan! 

(Rogue goes over to Fyre and Thunder, who are busy trying to figure out what they should do.) 

Rogue: (to Fyre) Do you want the bag with the Kane merchandise. (holds up bag in her right hand) or the bag with the Triple H merchandise? (holds up bag in her left hand) 

Fyre: (looks from one bag to the other) "Or"? 

Rogue: No "or"? 

Fyre: (takes both bags) No "or". 

(Fyre goes to sit on the other end of the couch. She pulls out a Triple H T- shirt and a Kane action figure. Rogue now approaches Thunder.) 

Thunder: You got a bag full of goodies for me too? 

Rogue: (tilts her head and smiles) Would you like to sit in my new leather recliner chair? 

Thunder: Umm.... 

Rogue: (leads her to the chair) Isn't it nice? It has both heat and massage! 

Thunder: That's very nice. 

(She tries to get up but Rogue pushes her back down.) 

Rogue: It vibrates too! 

(Rogue turns the dial on the remote control to the first notch.) 

Rogue: Nice, right? 

Thunder: Yuh huh. 

Rogue: Hmm. I wonder what would happen if I turned it up all the way. 

(She turns the dial up to the max. The chair begins to visibly shake. Thunder gets a big smile on her face and her eyes roll back into her head.) 

Rogue: (laughs) Who knew Thunder could do a Lord of Darkness impression? 

Bradshaw: o_O So sweet.. And yet.. 

Sean: So stupid.... 

Fyre: Why don't you sit over here between me and Beth. Leave Thunder alone with her new favorite toy... I mean, chair. 

Thunder: Toy, my ass. This thing's good! I might have to give Taker the night off. 

Beth: Yeah. Let him rest that third leg of his. 

(Chibi chibi, apparently forgotten by the rest of the group for the time being, tilts her head to one side and opens her mouth as if to say something. But instead, she shrugs her shoulders and goes back to her truck.) 

(Rogue settles on the cushion between Beth and Fyre and continues reading her comic book. Beth has already put on her new "Larger Than Life" T-shirt and now has her Chris Jericho figure dancing across Rogue's lap. Fyre put Kane on top of Rogue's head. Apparently, he was about to do a flying clothesline onto Jericho. Then Fyre got a better idea.) 

Fyre: Hey! Where are Chibi chibi's Barbie clothes? 

Rogue: Why? 

Fyre: We could dress up the dolls! 

Beth: I don't think Chris would fit into Barbie's hot pink miniskirt. 

Sean: Chibi chibi doesn't have any more Barbie dolls. 

Prue: Why not? Aren't all little girls supposed to like Barbie? 

Rogue: Truthfully, I can't stand that thing. All those clothes and those cars and she had to walk around in high heels all the time. 

Sean: Yeah. Well, Prue said "little girls". I don't think you qualify anymore. 

(Rogue pulls off her other shoe and chucks it at Sean's head. He ducks again and sticks out his tongue.) 

Bradshaw: Well, she used to have dolls. 

Prue: What happened? 

Rogue: The first one she had she dipped her head in some paint. 

Fyre: Apparently, Barbie's hair applies paint to a canvas quite well. 

Thunder: She chopped all the hair off the next one she got. 

Beth: She didn't know it wouldn't grow back. 

Bradshaw: Then she pulled the thing's head off. 

Sean: She launched another one into a tree with a slingshot. 

Rogue: And the last one... (sighs and shakes her head) Well... 

Bradshaw: She went outside on a sunny day with it. Along with a magnifying glass. 

Prue: Oh no. 

Sean: By the time I got out there, she'd melted a dime-sized hole where the face woulda been and the hair had burst into flames. 

Thunder: She's going through a destructive period. 

Fyre: If it can't be stomped on, dropped from a third story window, or nuked in the microwave without retaining the original shape, color, texture, or smell, then its no good to her. 

(They all turn to Chibi chibi and see her ramming her new toy into the wall over and over and over.) 

Sean: I give that truck two weeks. 

Beth: And yet the goldfish is still with us? 

Fyre: She likes the goldfish. 


	2. Kinda smells kinda cool kinda funny Anyw...

**Now He Thinks He's A Fire Engine**

Part Two 

  


(Some time passes. Sean and Bradshaw are still trying to put up the entertainment center. Prue's fallen asleep on the loveseat and the blueprint she'd been holding are on the floor. Thunder was finding it difficult to do a crossword puzzle while the chair vibrated. She gives up on the puzzle. Beth's CD is in the middle of its second run. Fyre and Rogue share a bag of double stuffed Oreo cookies while Rogue plays "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" on her new Gameboy Color. She loses on her first try. Chibi chibi had found a marker and was scribbling all over the truck. Jackie and Nessa poke their heads into the room.) 

Nessa: Eh? What's all this stuff? 

Fyre: Rogue swindled Bishoff and McMahon. 

Rogue: ARGH!! (throws down the game, fuming) 

Fyre: Lost again? 

Rogue: (nods) Hai! (grumbles) Stupid game... 

Fyre: Lemme try. 

(Rogue hands over the game. She finally notices Jackie and Nessa.) 

Rogue: Konnichiwa, Jackie-chan and Nessa-chan! I have goodie bags for you too! (pulls two bags from underneath the coffee table) Jackie-chan, yours is the one with the Manic Panic in it. 

Jackie: Really? Sweet! .... O____O Did I just say that? 

Rogue: Yuh huh! 

Jackie: I've been hangin' around you too much. 

Rogue: Don't worry, Jackie-chan! It was bound to happen. 

Nessa: (pulls a package out of her bag) Umm. I don't think this Newsies DVD is mine, is it? 

Rogue: (jumps up from the couch) Hey! I was lookin' for that! (clutches it protectively to her chest) How'd it get in there? 

Sean: (mumbles) Damn! 

(Rogue tries to throw an Oreo at him, but it falls short and lands on Prue's lap. Sean sticks his tongue out at her again.) 

(Bradshaw picks up the blueprints that lie on the floor. Holding them at arm length, he looks from them to what he is building and back again. Seeing his confusion, Thunder gets up from the recliner. She peeks at the blueprints, looks at Bradshaw. And then turns the thing right side up before returning to the chair.) 

(Rogue returns to her place on the couch. Beth and Fyre take over the building process. Jackie and Nessa are sitting on the floor comparing Hardy Boyz merchandise and occasionally swapping items. Sean is drawing kitty whiskers on Prue's face with a Magic Marker. Bradshaw sits next to Rogue and starts reading one of her comic books. Chibi chibi has swiped one of the screwdrivers and is trying to take apart her truck. Taker strides into the room. Before he can ask, Thunder beats him to it.) 

Thunder: Rogue took McMahon and Bishoff for all they had. 

Taker: (smiles) Really? .... That's my girl! 

Chibi chibi: Uncle Taker.. Auntie Beffie said you gots a third leg. Is it made of wood? Where do you keep it? 

Taker: O_____O 

Rogue: Umm. I think it was a figure of speech. 

Chibi chibi: OH... You grown ups sure got alotta those Figura Speach thingies. 

Jackie: (whispers) But I'm sure that wherever he'd keep it is very safe. 

Fyre: (whispers) And it turns to wood when Thunder handles it. 

Taker: Thunder? ... (notices her in the chair) Where'd you get that? 

Thunder: Rogue bought it. 

Taker: Oh, really? 

Rogue: ^__________^ It vibrates! 

Taker: I'll bet! (sees the chair shaking) Yanno... Your eyes will stay crossed like that if you don't quit it. 

(Taker pulls Thunder out of the chair and sits in it himself. Smiling, Thunder sits on his lap. Taker doesn't seem to mind in the least. Sean writes his name on Prue's forehead. Rogue pulls something out of her bag and places it on her head.) 

Jackie: Is that a diamond tiara? 

Rogue: Yeah. We all got diamond stuff. 

Beth: Diamonds are a girl's best friend. 

Sean: Yeah, but if she says "Moon Tiara Action!" I'm taking away her anime privileges. 

Rogue: Nooooo!!! Not my Sailormoon! Not my Ryo-ohki!! 

Nessa: Ryo-what? 

Sean: Ryo-ohki. She's a cabbit. 

Nessa: What's a cabbit? 

Sean: Exactly what it sounds like. 

Bradshaw: You mean. 

Sean: Yuh huh. 

Bradshaw: They crossed a cat with a rabbit! That doesn't sound right. 

Chibi chibi: But she's sweet... and helpful... and she eats all her vegetables! 

Beth: She sounds better than some kids I've met. 

Rogue: And she's cute, too. Much better than that Luna P. 

Bradshaw: (cringes) I've seen Luna P. A floating beach ball painted like a cat's head. And the eyes are just freaky. Like that thing took a hit of ecstasy or something. 

Rogue: (perks up) Ecstasy? 

Sean: Uh oh. 

Rogue: Did you say "ecstasy"? 

Sean: Rogue. Don't. 

Rogue: (sings) "I had a friend once. He took some ecstasy. Tried to marry me and everyone in the room." 

(Sean runs over to Chibi chibi and covers her ears.) 

Rogue: "He was sorta loving... Kinda caring... Kinda tried to fuck my lazy boy." 

Jackie: (laughs) Is she making this up? 

Sean: No. It's a song she heard. 

Rogue: "It got a bit messy... all over the curtains... armchair covers, throw pillows, and carpeting." 

Sean: Thank you, Rogue. That was quite enough. 

Rogue: Glad you liked it! 

(Beth and Fyre finally finish the project that the guys couldn't and are trying to hook up the DVD player. Sean is now sitting on the floor next to Chibi chibi.) 

Chibi chibi: We're gonna watch the Harry Potter DVD next, right, Auntie Fyre? 

Rogue: Yanno... That Daniel Radcliffe is kinda hot. When he doesn't have to look like Harry Potter, that is. 

Nessa: You do know he's, like, 12, don't you? 

Rogue: o___O 

Bradshaw: Looks like our Roguey's a cradle-robber. 

Rogue: (wails) I didn't know!!! (buries her head in a pillow) 

Jackie: It's okay. Remember, "Love conquers All". 

Nessa: And age is just a number. 

Sean: But in this case I think it's a felony. 

(While Jackie and Nessa are trying to console Rogue, Prue wakes up.) 

Prue: What's with all the tears? 

(When everyone sees her face they crack laughing. A confused Prue reaches into her bag and pulls out a compact mirror.) 

Prue: Sean! 

(She takes off her shoe and throws it at Sean. It hits him right in the middle of his forehead, knocking him unconscious.) 

Sean: @____@ 

Rogue: Way to go, Prue! You rock! 

Prue: Thanks! (sees the Oreo on her lap and eats it) 

Chibi chibi: (stands over Sean's prone body and yells at him) Does this mean we're not gonna watch Harry Potter?! 

End 


End file.
